Solutions to Pain During Sex: Understanding Vaginismus
“People have been having sex since the beginning of time, you’ll figure it out” or “Teenagers can figure it out, you can too” or “Just relax and stop over thinking it”.
These are all things that our client’s have heard when telling someone in their life about painful sex.
It DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY
The Cycle of Pain and Discomfort
For many women, pain during sex can feel like a never-ending cycle. The fear of pain leads to tension, the tension leads to more pain, and the cycle continues. This experience can create a negative association with sexual activity, leading to avoidance and distress. One common, yet often misunderstood, cause of pain during sex is vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a condition where the muscles of the pelvic floor involuntarily contract, making penetration painful, if not impossible. This response is not something within the control of the individual; it’s an automatic reaction, often tied to anxiety, fear, or past trauma. Unfortunately, many women with vaginismus feel isolated and unsure of where to turn for help.
What is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a condition where there is involuntary tightness or spasming of the muscles around the vaginal opening, making penetration painful, difficult, or even impossible. This condition can occur during sexual intercourse, but it can also be triggered by attempts to insert tampons or undergo gynecological exams.
This condition is notably prevalent in communities with conservative sexual practices, such as those with a high population of religious individuals. In these communities, there may be limited sex education, strict beliefs around sexuality, and a lack of open discussions about sexual health. These factors can contribute to the development of vaginismus, as individuals may grow up with fear, shame, or guilt associated with sexual activity. The good news is that vaginismus is treatable, and understanding the connection to the pelvic floor is an essential step toward finding relief.
The Connection to the Pelvic Floor
The pelvic floor is a group of muscles that support the pelvic organs and play a key role in sexual function. When these muscles are tense or hypertonic, they can cause significant discomfort during intercourse. In cases of vaginismus, the pelvic floor muscles tighten involuntarily, creating a physical barrier to penetration. The connection between the mind and body is evident here—psychological stress or fear can directly cause physical tension in the pelvic floor, leading to pain during sex.
Understanding this connection is vital in finding solutions to pain during sex. It’s not just about treating the physical symptoms but also addressing the psychological and emotional aspects that contribute to the condition.
Solutions: Breaking the Cycle
Pelvic Floor Therapy: One of the most effective treatments for vaginismus is pelvic floor physical therapy. This specialized therapy involves working with a trained physical therapist who can help you learn to relax and control your pelvic floor muscles. Techniques might include exercises, biofeedback, and the use of dilators to gradually desensitize the vaginal muscles.
Sex Therapy: In addition to physical therapy, sex therapy can be incredibly beneficial. A sex therapist can help you explore the psychological factors contributing to vaginismus, such as anxiety, fear, or past trauma. Therapy provides a safe space to discuss these issues and develop strategies to overcome them, ultimately helping you break the cycle of pain and discomfort.
Sex Education: Gaining a deeper understanding of how your body works can be empowering. Sex education, tailored to your needs, can help you learn more about your pelvic floor muscles and how they contribute to sexual pleasure and discomfort. It also broadens your understanding of what “sex” can be. Moving beyond the notion that sex is solely about penetration allows for the exploration of other forms of intimacy and pleasure, reducing pressure and anxiety around penetrative sex.
Relaxation Techniques: Stress and anxiety are major contributors to pelvic floor tension. Learning relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce overall body tension, making sexual experiences more comfortable.
Communication with Your Partner: Open communication with your partner is crucial. Discussing your fears, boundaries, and what you need to feel safe can help create a supportive environment. This can make it easier to take small steps toward overcoming vaginismus together.
Final Thoughts
Vaginismus is a complex condition that intertwines physical, psychological, and emotional factors. By understanding the cycle of pain and discomfort, acknowledging the role of the pelvic floor, and exploring treatment options such as pelvic floor therapy, sex therapy, and comprehensive sex education, it is possible to break free from the cycle and enjoy a fulfilling sexual life. If you're experiencing pain during sex, remember that help is available, and you're not alone. With the right support, you can find solutions that work for you! Here at Intimate Relationships , we have both sex therapists and sex educators on hand, as well as trusted referrals for pelvic floor physical therapy, bringing you a valuable treatment team. Set an appointment today to get started on your journey to pain-free sex!
